The wind bloweth where it listeth...

1928, your daddy's drinkin'
and his model t crosses the tracks
and your momma pulls you up to the casket
and for the rest of your life
you want your daddy back

1929, you are left alone all the time
with your brothers' diapers and you're only six years old
but ya always do good, sometimes you get to play with blocks of wood
you don’t know it now, but God's hand is taking hold

walkin' through the green green valley
a mile to the schoolhouse red
the hot wood stove in the winter
the wafting smell of homemade bread

and as the sun goes down on Reedsburg
from the one-room-cabin floor
the sound of laughter echoes through the door
what your life is built on
nothing can destroy
I can almost hear your daddy's words, so fulla joy
you don't know what you mean to me, Sonny Boy

1940, the one handed shot is your forte
but then the good coach runs away with a young gal
and the new coach forbids everything but shooting two-handed
he’s such a judas priest with his flawed rationale

1941, the japanese attack and you get your gun
but you wash out of of flight school and start to teach p.e.
and you travel the bases, basketballs, black faces
with your negro tan that you get along the sea

runnin' home to tell your momma
you'd just been voted prom king
but she just hangs up the laundry
like it doesn't really mean anything

and as the sun goes down on the beaches
of that Clearwater shore
the sound of laughter cascades through the roar
what your life is sailed on
nothing can destroy
I can almost hear your daddy's words, so fulla joy
you don't know what you mean to me, Sonny Boy

you move back to Wisconsin
and Sally rides her bike past your house
and for months you see her in secret
You betchya! your love runs all throughout

Kissing in the Morey's front hall
and on the porch, on Independence Day
until they discover she is pregnant
and she throws the wedding bouquet

seven kids, sixty years later
not to mention seventeen kids grand
your life is like the old violin
that was touched by the master's hand

and as the sun goes down on Reedsburg
from the one-room-cabin floor
the sound of laughter echoes through the door
what your life is built on
nothing can destroy
I can almost hear your daddy's words, so fulla joy
you don't know what you mean to me, Sonny Boy

you're livin' life on the edge, baby don't look down
I'm sure the bottom looks good up there
the view is always obscured by clouds
but it looks like it leads somewhere
I know it makes you feel alive
I know you're willing to risk it all
but I'm gonna have to catch you, baby
so ya better not fall

there's no time for contemplation
when you feel like you don't have a choice
screamin' so loud in strangulation
you've gone and lost your voice
yeah, I know that you miss me
you're wishin' you could give me a call
I know I'm gonna have to catch you, baby
so ya better not fall

ya know, your dancing child in his chinese suit
he apologized to me
he looked as skinny as a flute
like he'd fall through a crack in the street
he told me that it all went wrong
when he hopped on that see-saw
and now I'm gonna have to catch you, baby
so ya better not fall

I know you think that you'll like it
but for you, it’d be hell down here
there's no booze, no chapstick, and no escape
and all your friends just disappear

when the authorities come to question you
about that part of me you stole
and they don’t find anything between
the buffet and the toilet bowl
they won’t be able to talk you down
because they just don’t have the gall
so I’m gonna have to catch you baby
so ya better not fall

I’ve heard there’s this rumor goin’ round
they say that I might take you back
but it takes more than a few kind words
to recover from a massive heart attack

and then I woke up, it was a bad dream
my bubble had been punctured
they found your body in the bathroom
dead from gastric rupture
you’re goin’ down, down, down
and the flames go higher
fueled by the alcohol
I’m gonna have to catch you baby
I’m gonna have to catch you baby
I’m gonna have to catch you baby
so ya better not fall

don't say that you love me... 'cause you don't
dont' say you'll stay with me... 'cause you won't
don't pretend I'm your best friend
and sex won't change a thing

don't say you won't leave me... 'cause you will
and when you go, don't forget to cover up the kill
don't hint that you meant
it was only the booze talking

say everything
say anything
your huffing
is nothing
are you cheating?
are you bluffing?
you can knock
all of the stuffing
just give me something
give me something

don't say your ok, when all you do is withdraw
you say kissing isn't cheating, well kissing isn't what I saw
why don't you ask him
if he wants you to get him off

you only have sex with me because you hate me
your thinking, "go ahead, get it over with and rape me"
and that's the look on your face
when my erection is too soft

say everything
say anything
your huffing
is nothing
are you cheating?
are you bluffing?
you can knock
all of the stuffing
just give me something
give me something

come on over and do the twist
I figured out why your so pissed
when's the last time you've been kissed
like you're about to get laid
man, your boyfriend is so gay
but I guess that's why you followed me
to my hiding place

Jack be nimble, Jack be quick
if you still love me, then you are sick
you should stop thinking with your dick
Jack be nimble if you run
when I pull out my big guns
so you can sneak behind and spank me until
I spit out my gum

why do you look so confused
yes, I know you've been abused
but that won't stop me from getting with you now
baby, I'm gonna make your neurons click
when I jump over your candlestick
you never thought you would ever scream so loud

but I overdo it and have a fit
will you freak out if your not lit
when I flinch, hoping I get hit
you're gonna change your mind and leave
just as sure as the air you breathe
'cause you can't love someone who always gives
but refuses to receive

little boy blue, you blow a storm
little girl has sprouted horn
maybe you should watch some porn
little boy, don't blow your brains
though you've gone far past insane
don't go homeless with your hard-on
after melting in the rain

you act like your hurt so bad
everyone thinks it's so sad
like your father or your dog just died
yeah, they try to talk to me and stay
until there's nothing left to say
but they can't touch what devours me inside

I loved you so much, it made me sick
the brain cancer was catastrophic
a shattered window and a brick
and if there's any chance to save
me from a sudden early grave
you better speak now or forever hold onto
your new stickman slave

Georgie Porgie pudding pie
you were once a decent guy
where's that kindness in your eyes
Georgie Boy, why are you so wroth
too scared to get yourself off
just how long will you keep pacing
with your mouth so full of froth

your utter lack of confidence
will always bring up my defense
your whole manner wreaks of neediness
well, then why did you get with me at all
you just blame it on alcohol
I've always been in dire hopelessness

I wish you weren't so immature
what you feel will not endure
you're sure to forget this all in time
honey, your love gets so rearranged
my love for you has never changed
never ceased to prey upon my mind

filled with a corrosive
and highly explosive
sexual tension
things I cannot mention
saturate
my mental state
and I can’t keep from crying
even though I’m trying
so hard to recover
enemies disguised as lovers
brutal honesty
makes her aim deadly

-
and even though I wanna stay
it’s ok, I’ll go away
I guess I go about things the wrong way
and I’m just fatally flawed
and I suppose not even God
could turn me into someone you wouldn’t hate
and I know my death’ll be
coming slowly and painfully
my back is naked, go ahead and stab me
and when my body’s in the ground
will ya notice I’m not around
to torment you and make you unhappy
-

none of these doors are open
and everything is broken
windows wait to be smashed
spidercracks in the glass
I can never see
any opportunity
and I wanna rip off my face
‘cause I’m so so sick of the chase
leading me to nowhere
I keep breathin’ in the cold air
and it eats me inside
until all my hope has died


I know deep down inside
that you are justified
in your firm rejection
of my soft erection
so I dive into the muff
but my love is never enough
and I will watch our love die
and leave the corpse where it lies
like I can continue
without being with you
you were the one
and now I’m done


my throat will swell
when your name is spoken
I’m lost here in hell
where everything is broken

they say that which doesn't kill you
only makes you stronger
but really, everything kills you
some things just take longer
and it's only a matter of time before I find out
it isn't worth it
to keep clawing out my eyes
everytime something's not perfect
but all my dreams and fairytales
got crucified with nine inch nails
and my thoughts always keep puking into the pail

and though I hunger for your scraps
I am caught in a frozen death trap
they lower the chains into the grave
will I always be a slave
to this hurt?

it all becomes consensual
with a screwdriver in hand
and Liquid Johnny gets penetrated
by the Marlboro Man
the darkness of the fairgrounds
the thorny rose in the motel
the aching in your loins
and now you feel just how my heart felt
the ashes from the guilty spark
flood the room with eternal dark
after your words detonated in my heart

and when everything is too real
you are caught in a vice of steel
they lower the chains into the grave
will you always be a slave
to this hurt?

your love for me is dwinding
while my love for you grows stronger
but it's funny how your relationships
always last no longer
than the split second that it takes you
to realize that your still empty
and I couldn't fill those bloody lips
even with my horn of plenty
and I'm hurt by even the slightest touches
why the hell do I miss you so much, is
it that I can't escape your tender clutches

and though we flail out like the starlings
I will love you forever, my darling
till we're lowered into our graves
we can't always be slaves
to this hurt

please take the knife out of my back
clear the fusilage off the train tracks
the scavengers are picking at my bones
where I lay choking on your cell phone

-
and I'm your vomit on the ground
you chewed me up, you swallowed me, and you spit me out
I've lost all of my faculties
just another name in your long list of casualties
-

pick up the scattered and restless pieces
the bulletwound in my guts never ceases
throw it all outside the faded chalk outline
where your acid teeth severed my spine

you buried all our love in an unmarked grave
the ghosts of memories come like crashing waves
you stick the betadine into the open wound
while cadavers self-inflict with gratefruit spoons

stained by the remains of my heart
you're the one who blew it all apart
with the liquid explosives of your lies
I die everytime that we lock eyes

you can't explain it
you can't debate it
when you want it so bad, it hurts
you can't receive it
if you really need it
so to talk it out will never work

I go to sleep with a vision of
arms spread out forever
longing eyes that disappear
and I pretend that I don't dream sweet love
I don't know whether
my thoughts will ever be clear
she ain't gonna throw a bone
to a boy who's gonna die alone

you can't escape it, no matter
how much you make it
it comes back and bites twice as hard
and if you try to fake it
it just complicates it
you'll slip up and fall so far

I close my eyes and I picture us
inside a warm cacoon
of sweat and entangled limbs
and I'd give my life to not give in to lust
but this crescent moon
keeps me taking it all in
you can't hear the spirit moan
from a boy who's gonna die alone

and when you can't take it
you know what you get
your thoughts will eat you alive
and you break when you get hit
in the face with the bloody pavement
and you're the wreckage from the nosedive

I'm walkin' through all this empty space
dreamin' of the
heavenly ecstasy of your hands
and why you ever got with me in the first place
is something
I will never ever understand
and now all my brains are blown
and this boy is gonna die alone

the engines of paralysis bore into my skull
like a neanderthal
a child weeps into the cavernous deep
you throw away the cull
to feed the hungry seagulls
the skies above the black terrain
bleed into my eyes

now there you stand with your racked command
over plates of food
your thoughts are glued
and this monster chain that you drape across
your body, pale and nude
and so misconstrued
does not originate
from my clenched and shaking hands

you wrap your claws around my neck
and you puncture the pipe
the sting of an insect bite
ya know, I once was a best friend
who would've laid down his life
just so you'd set down the knife
but my heart is feasted upon
by your salivating wound

my life has been always drenched in
a sense of the absurd
the images are blurred
it's like we all just keep talkin'
even though we run out of words
repeat the nonsense we've heard
you turn your head and spit at me
"no one asked you to stay"

when Sutek lands, he shakes my hand
and walks away amused
and then he lights the fuse
ya know, I once felt like an altar boy
who's never been abused
or fingered the accused
but now my adrenaline tumbles me down
into the endless teeming void

Now I remember we used to stand out in the parking lot
we had just hung out for hours and while the sun rose we talked
how I longed for your kiss
and sometimes I'd serenade you, sittin' on the hood of my car
underneath the lights there was no one like you outside that bar
how did you come from a place like this?

and I reminisce
about all of this
and I reminisce
and I reminisce

and I remember when you went crazy and made that mulligan stew
and the first thing that I ever said to you was I'm going to kill you
I knew I loved you parti pris
and sometimes you drove behind me to make sure I got home safe
I never thought that I'd get with you in my wildest dreams of faith
to be in your hands is perfect bliss

now you turn your head to look at me with your maelstrom emerald eyes
and you stroke my face and kiss my lips and say, "I love you, see ya later, goodbye"
and your touch still persists
and everything that you do, baby, is something to build a dream on
the preciousness of your love is the one thing I believe on
how could I ever regret any of this?

Look at the loser getting drunk yet again
just get out when you go in
at least you had some motherly affection
why did he think that you'd outgrow Mia?
what gave you the idea
that liquor could be your panacea

what am I supposed to do all day?
I'd call you but it's too late
can't crawl to my bed so I give up, I'm done
give up, I'm done

what am I supposed to do all day?
I'd call you but it's too late
can't crawl to my bed so I give up, I'm done
give up, I'm done

you didn't look like an Auschwitz victim
when you would swim
but you crave the feeling of a phantom limb
so look at the loser getting drunk yet again
just get out when you go in
at least you had some motherly affection

I guess I'll just brood all day
and fixate on what I ate
I guess I'll just brood all day
and fixate on my new weight
I guess I'll just brood all day
and fixate on an empty plate
I guess I'll just brood all day
and just wait out this psycho state

I always slouch to get to your level
and I sleep next to the phone
when I left Carmen with the devil
I always expected to be alone
but you broke another ice scraper
when you heard my funeral dirge
will I turn into water vapor
when you disappear to purge?
now, commence the pacing
I guess I'm freaking out a bit
you can't call yourself a fatass
if I can't call myself a piece of shit

I want you to know
I love you more
than I can ever show, baby

and I don't care if you were married sixteen times
...
I still love you

don't you find it funny
neither of us knew the word
to stop the car just to catch the bunny
to elucidate the absurd
the inability
to verbally describe
one's own emotions
except in painful diatribes
you really think that I'll regret?
baby, I never have and I never will
love hasn't begun to seep in yet
the feeling is captivating still

I want you to feel
that warmth in your heart
a love that ya know is real, baby

and I don't care if your were married sixteen times
...
I still love you

My baby lives in the skinny
of the hypotenuse
converging lines that disappear
you can look at her from any angle
around the swinging noose
you can't tell she's even here
and I breathe slow and deep
in a long, unbroken sleep
dreaming and scraping my thighs
I suckle the teet that satisfies
while parts of you fall off and die

my baby lives in a shoebox
and licks the road clean with her tongue
sucking on a bit of damp cloth
the glass is always empty
filling it half full with lung
the recalcitrance of her cough
the floggings will not continue
till your body is put on the menu
but the one-eyed undertaker
has gone to meet his maker
can't get past the ticket taker

my baby lives in the septic
vodka, vomit, bursting stars
swirling 'round the vortex
inexplicable bruises
perpendicular scars
are her sacred objects
I miss you cupcake
I won't leave you to your moosey fate
your pepto bismol and your ibuprofen
can't stop your rope from being broken
and your eyes from blinking open

It hurts to breathe in
so much that I don’t wanna breathe out
I don’t wanna see that self-loathing look in your eyes
I don’t wanna hear that bitter nonverbal shout
I don’t wanna see you pick at the scab until it bleeds
I don’t want you to let out the unheard sob
I don’t wanna smell the rancid bile and blood
I don’t wanna lose sight of you, lost in the mob
I don’t wanna give in to the blackness I see
I don’t wanna forget the light on your face
I don’t wanna believe that there’s no good in me
but it all seems to vanish without a trace
and I’m terrified that the next thing that I say
will just blow all we have away

I’m trying to lay still
but this trembling comes from inside
I can’t bear the thought of you breaking down alone
cutting or purging, they’ll say that’s how you died
and I stare into that great fathomless abyss
and I feel myself leaning over the edge
and all my insanity urges me on
but my body grips vice-like to the slippery ledge
and I wonder if this will consume us all
a nothing that pierces your mind and decays
and I pound and I pound on the walls of your heart
but my human hands cannot cause stone to break
and I’m terrified that the next move that I make
will just shatter everything in it’s wake

and I wake up screaming
in the darkness of my room
when you grab onto my mind
like a dying fetus in the womb
and your supermassive black hole
would never let go of my soul
until every last part of me is consumed

baby, I want you so bad
I never knew just what I had
until your ocean wave crashed over me
and washed all my insanity out to sea

I love the way your hair always gets into my mouth
your a prison babe and I'll never wanna get out
we can't finish a movie before we start making out
I say things to you I thought I'd never say out loud

baby, I want you so much
the way you look at me is such
an endless dream of numbing bliss
licking Stoli vodka off your lips

I love the way your face glows in the sparkling moonlight
I am Jack's urge to always lose the fight
if I fall asleep, I'm done for, your gonna have to keep me up all night
'cuz when the glitter wears off, babe, you'll still be bathed in light

baby, I want you true blue
all I ever think about is you
I know you'll exhaust me and wear me down
but at least I'll be next to you when I'm buried in the ground

I love the way your smell permeates everything I wear
you spend too much time sleeping in the devil's lair
and as the sugary waft of burning flesh thickens in the air
there's only one way to show you how much I really care

look at them out there
baby, they don't care
and they could never ever see
you belong in the shadows with me
baby, we don't belong here
but we're stuck here
and I'm not gonna lie
I'm gonna love you till we die

my heart is skipping a beat
walking through the cemetery grass in bare feet
and I feel your body heat
but the frozen darkness takes me under the sheet
and I fall into defeat
to the place deep inside you where a little girl weeps
they call the dead, "those who sleep"
but I still keep holding onto something I cannot keep

there's a man in a cave
and he's covered in chains
from his neck to his legs
and his unmotivation is plague
when the light goes out
I'm not gonna know how
to rekindle our friendship
I'm so cold without the fire of your lips

my heart is skipping a beat
walking through the cemetery grass in bare feet
and I feel your body heat
but the frozen darkness takes me under the sheet
and I fall into defeat
to the place deep inside you where a little girl weeps
they call the dead, "those who sleep"
but I still keep holding onto something I cannot keep

choking on a palpable silence
my eyes are filled with visions of violence
I feel like I'm treading on water
the flickering shadows of a slaughter
'cause you're something that I cannot resist
is my hairband still around your wrist
I hear the snickering of your laugh
I read the sentence cut down your calf
if I gave you a honey-scroll to eat
would you vomit it into the street
I hope you know that I'm your best friend
little baby before King Solomon
everybody wants to cut you in 2
I'm the only one who wants to save you
we're given the chance; we don't take it
our cubbie holes are stuffed full of blankets

my heart is skipping a beat
walking through the cemetery grass in bare feet
and I feel your body heat
but the frozen darkness takes me under the sheet
and I fall into defeat
to the place deep inside you where a little girl weeps
they call the dead, "those who sleep"
but I still keep holding onto something I cannot keep

I can't tell if I'm sleeping now
I just cannot stop dreaming about
our drunken Thanksgiving afternoon
every touch was like a static shock
while the vcr played "some like it hot"
and my brother slept soundly in the bedroom
when you put your trembling hand in mine
I begged God to freeze that moment in time
I'm not afraid of forever when I'm with you
if I'm stuck at work or driving in my car
it doesn't matter 'cause I know where we really are
... in that graveyard, we're digging up the tombs

and all I wanna do is devour you
but my conscience won't even let me begin
and I know your love for me is something you can't cut thru
but I want you to be happy
I want you to try and stay with him

my hand is on the knob to open the gate
I'm so scared that all this will evaporate
the moment I wake up from this perfect dream
and who's the constant initiator
when neither of us wants to wait for later
to find out just how loud you can scream
and the thing that really haunts me the most
is the spectre of your mother's ghost
as it hovers around us in a silver gleam
time flees away, all moments flow into one
everything is a blur when the bottle is spun
and when it points to me, I'll know what it means

and all I wanna do is devour you
but my conscience won't even let me begin
and I know your love for me is something you can't cut thru
but I want you to be happy
I want you to try and stay with him
I want you to try and stay with him

but then you're all I see when the room starts to spin

Elizabeth, you consume me
I've got boiled blood when I see your mother
I would confess all of my thoughts and deeds
but I know I'm not your lover
all the things you said are stuck in my head
I can't sleep at night I just lay in my bed
and nothing seems to change this sense of dread

Elizabeth, is this goodbye forever
I've fallen in and I'm bound to the stone
you once told me you wanted us to sleep together
but I know every single human being dies alone
I remember us passed out on the lobby floor
right next to where you straddled me like a drunken whore
and it's all my fault, if I never see you anymore

there's a ghost haunting us, everywhere we go
and I can't explain why I feel like everything is about to blow

Elizabeth, loving you is easy
but my veins will bulge when I see your sister
her desperation makes feel so uneasy
her knife is so close to the blood blister
you look out the window watch spring emerge
and that girl cannot control her suicidal urge
and you can't get it out, no matter how much you purge

Elizabeth, don't you lose control
if you blow your bangs, they'll just float back down to your face
you once told me I've got a beautiful soul
it's only 'cause you put something in it that nothing can erase
but I remember you crying in the breaking room
when everything in your life was like popped balloons
you couldn't just shrug off that icy feeling of doom

there's a ghost haunting us, everywhere we go
and I can't explain why I feel like everything is about to blow

In deep fixed breaths, the cold falling shivers
it stole the ability to hence go hither
no light shines on the absolute zero
the clenching, caniving in fear, anti-hero

I blame the one who steps foot in the path
and longing I will yearn for a final ending clash
but my curious eyes will pop the bubble of sanity
and threaten to expose the well-played fantasy

for what nails in the palm goes bleeding within
a rejecting of truth and accepting of sin
it's a blinding, undermining, whispy, chilling cold
after fires of perception flickered out under the folds

in fear, anti-hero tries to do good
but it makes cloaking the bearer an insidious hood
being haunted and chased by an anti-green it
ever finding, reminding what burning life is lit

I once thought that suicide was the object of my desire
but I see a kid with his head blown off and my mind is engulfed in fire
and I don't wanna lose control but the anchor of my soul
is slipping away
so baby don't let go, I'm permeated with cold
just tell me it's gonna be okay

oh my God, I'm afraid
just tell me...is it too late?

a child of God is hung on the crossroads of life and the flesh
and you'll always know that it's death when you breathe the last bit of air that's left
and I know the dead will be raised but that steely gaze
cuts right through my face
and they aren't even fazed those that suppose they're saved
when they haven't even had a taste

oh my God, I'm afraid
just tell me...is it too late?

a little boy that's in his bed is covered by a watership down
with the rabbit eyes gouged out as they suffocate underground
but when the spectre that flies turns to black face and red eyes
all creation hides in haste
and the earth flees away in fright, heaven is blanketed in night
until existance has no place

oh my God, I'm afraid
just tell me...is it too late?